non-zen

Three days until Thanksgiving. I was on the couch last night waiting to find out who would be the Next Iron Chef and my mind wandered....What am I going to do for Thanksgiving? I'll be all alone...it will be dark...maybe I should light the fire?...It will be nice to have a few days off work... Maybe I'll just go to the grocery and get a turkey breast and some cranberry sauce and make my peas and a sweet potato at home....I'll lounge, I'll write, maybe I'll even go for a walk.....I feel like I'm supposed to be somewhere...I love my little house...Where's the kitty?....I should call so and so....at this point an image of me leaving the plane and walking towards the luggage claim at the El Paso airport enters my mind...Oh yeah, people are expecting me - somewhere....My phone beeps me back to reality and it's my sister asking me to email my itinerary "so that some1 will b there 2 pick u up. :)"

The phone rings at work and the man with the strong accent on the phone asks to be "put into" the Executive Assistant - I transfer him and giggle - I know, I know, but it makes me laugh every time. Three pizzas are delivered for a lunch meeting and I am trying not to smell them. I didn't have breakfast because I overdosed on my gingerbread trifle all weekend and just could not bring myself to eat anything this morning. I'm skipping lunch so I can leave early to pick up my friend's kid from the airport. I take the pizza up the stairs to the meeting room, set it up all nice and then the manager tells me to take some while it's still hot - I tell him I can wait until they are done - but he insists and so I go ahead and take a couple of slices. It's free pizza, people.

My left arm has been bothering me, I have a new crop of zits, I think my Auntie Flow is coming to town and I'm so uncomfortable in my skin today (What the hell? Is this puberty??). I think with the upcoming "meet my Dad's new special friend over dessert at her house" adventure coming up as well as three days with my pleasant sister, I'm bracing myself for one of those holiday gatherings I used to think only happened in movies. For the past week now, my thoughts and dreams (and posts) have vascillated between nostalgia, longing for things I don't presently have, thanking G.d for everything I do have (to try to cancel out any appearance of ungratefulness) and wondering about whether or not I ever will experience those things in my future. This past paragraph has been sponsored by the "How to avoid a peaceful mind at all costs" network of Non-zen practicing freak-out heads.