my documents

I have two documents saved. One is called "Saturdayattenfifteen" and is comprised of a number of transcribed conversations I've had at work, sometimes IM conversations that I copied and pasted, without the person knowing, changing their names from Mark or Steve to HIM or Co-Worker or Colleague when I feel Euro. Headings for these conversations include Talk to Me, Go to lunch, Freak..., Rub My Shoulders, Frank Zappa..., Hot for Teacher, Popcorn Day, Why is she selling this?, Why did they get a divorce?, Smile, My Grandfather, The Laminator, It's actually more time and cost effective to go to jail, and G.d at Work.

The other document is called "rewritingsaturday". It is a diary of sorts, my version of a blog before I got a blog and begins on Tuesday, March 20, 2007. It has 51 pages, 34,909 words, 144,177 characters (no spaces), 179,099 characters (with spaces), 288 paragraphs, 2,003 lines - this includes textboxes, footnotes and endnotes (of which there are none). So for all of you writers out there who complain about writer's block, get a job as a receptionist temp, the screen will be full in minutes, I swear. The first sentence goes like this:

"After an epiphany this weekend, I thought it best to share with my therapist, the deconstructive thought patters that had come to light from my experiences of being a bridesmaid thus far."

Reading that again makes me think that maybe I should have gone to jail. This document was updated pretty frequently, sometimes daily, sometimes weekly or monthly, depending on what was going on in my life. There is a full stop of entries at Wednesday, June 11, after a night of karaoke and flirting and misunderstanding between co-workers and I didn't even open up the document until Wednesday, September 3, 2008. That particular entry makes all the previous entries look like whiney babies.

I logged on to this website just after redecorating my Super Pet's apartment and have not logged off all day. Just went back on to facebook and saw an email from Mr. P. He can have dinner tonight. Just when I gave up - never fails. I didn't want him out of my life, you know. I just had a a hard time accepting that he didn't want to be in my life the way I wanted him to be. Now that he is in a relationship with someone, the want is gone and our dinners and nights out are more pleasant.

Today the Vogue was splayed out in front of me all day, this was on the screen and I went out a couple of times to smoke when I don't actually smoke, I just want to get outside. Those short conversations with people from work, each one, the ones at the desk, the ones outside and some after work, not to mention happy hours and lunches - after two years, I wonder what they all add up to. I wonder if it's a month or something more like maybe three days to a week straight of time with that person. Which is really not that much time at all...