Resolutions...

Last night I had one of those dreams that you could only have at the end of the year. I was called into an office where this woman was sitting behind a desk. Her hair was all grown out long and she held out her arm as if to say "have a seat" so I did. I thought I was going in for a Reiki appointment; but it turns out I was, for lack of a better term, at an exit interview. We went over the past year and what had happened and why we lost touch, then a friend who I had a falling out with the year before came to pick me up for dinner! What the hell? Leave me alone already. This is one of those times that I wonder if I'm the one with the problem letting go or is it them? Am I being pulled on psychically or are they pulling me? Is it possible that on some other level, some alternate universe, we are still friends and hanging out all the time?

I awoke at my normal time, five freaking minutes before my alarm goes off, only to lie in the bed for a few more snoozes. Today at work is quiet and lovely. It was so nice to have those four days off. I went to a very merry poker Christmas party on Christmas Eve where everyone loved the appetizer I brought - herb coated goat cheese and home made crostini (and I loved them for loving it) and I flirted with a boy who took me waaay too seriously (if you can imagine that). Christmas Day I hung out with a few lesbian friends of mine, two of them are in a couple. The other one is not. I wonder if people think I am with her when we are out. I try not to think about it or give a shit; but it does cross my mind. Especially when people are staring at the other two making out or holding hands, I kinda want to be like - hello, these are my friends, and although I am accepting of their lifestyle and would love for them to be able to get married and such, I'm not a practicing muff diver and would you please, please ask me out on a date, you handsome, handsome man.

The next day was spent walking around a beautiful outdoor mall with fancy stores and my friend with her kiddo. Sunday was all about me. I was supposed to have plans with someone from work, but we've tried so many times to get together and it hasn't worked, I'm giving up - again, why force it? If someone wants to stay in that ring of your life, there is obviously a reason and it's silly to try to reel them in if they have lead weights on their feet. If all you want to do is talk to me at work, fine, but that's it. If you don't want to go to lunch, fine, I won't ask you, if you don't want to come over, just tell me. But don't come back to me in the next week and be all "we never do anything" because you know what? I'm over it. I'm not going to beg you to be friends with me.

Everyone seems a bit more calm and relieved now (except me, now that I'm reading this ;) that Santa is back up in the North pole where he belongs. New Year's Eve is just four days away. Four days. Un-freaking believable. The thing I'm most excited about next year is the new Sex and the City movie, but, like our first official day off, does not come until May - what's a girl to do?