liquidation indeed

This week's mail brought with it a metaphorical nudge that I have been waiting for. I have been talking, to some folks and to myself, about volunteering for a long while now. Thinking that the problems I am experiencing right now would just disappear, or at least be put into perspective, if I could get myself to help out someone who was experiencing a far more harsh reality or just put my need to help people all the time to some good use.

I got two pledge letters, one for the Capitol Area Food Bank and a flyer for the Austin Jewish Book Fair. I don't know what came over me, but I followed through this time. I emailed both organizations and signed up to volunteer for their events. When I looked at my calendar, I realized that they also coincided with the Susan G. Komen race for the cure. Must be volunteer time in my world. I'm excited. I'm looking forward to helping out, meeting new people and having some new experiences.

This was probably prompted by my earlier revelation of my designated issue. A few "backup issues" came forward for solos when my diva issue took a five. Money. WTF. I have never ever had problems with money before. For those of you that are close to me, you know why, for those of you who are not, you can probably guess. Now that I am an adult human being, and after the past few years of emotional and financial loss in my family; I am realizing that although my childhood was blessed, very very blessed, there is something to be said for learning to work for the things that your little heart desires. Now I am at a point where I am having to make those kinds of decisions to take care of myself because they are the right decisions to make, not the easy ones. Just this realization has opened my eyes to a whole realm of control I have over my life that I just didn't take the time to acknowledge before. I'm reading Suze Orman's website, I'm learning about taking control of my money, I'm feeling better with every new choice I make.

The other issue is communication. When my mom was alive, she was the one I would talk to. Sometimes every night, sometimes two or three times a day, depending on what was going on in my life. My mom navigated, translated and disseminated the information in our little family foursome. I would talk to her and ask how Dad and Sister were doing, not ever really talking to them, but always asking about them, and it was the same for all of us, it even extended to my Grandma and Aunt, distant cousins and friends of the family - my mom was the switchboard - and I think she really loved it. When she got really sick, my Dad kind of became the switchboard; but he hates talking on the phone, so you can imagine. The switchboard room was shut down, they went to an automated system, please leave your message after the tone. I miss that the most, talking to my mom, I just took her name out of my contacts in Outlook, it's been over a year and a half. This has forced us to talk to each other, the three of us and I'm realizing, especially now that the business is being liquidated, our communication issues are also being liquidated.

As I read over my entry I realize that my volunteer choices are related to the crown (books, brainy stuff), heart (breast cancer fundraiser) and root chakras (food and money). Maybe by being of service in these areas, my soul will open and stretch to the lessons that I know are being offered....maybe....stay tuned....