surrender and release

I love the thrill of taking a picture of the sunset while I'm driving. I have been getting good at it, even though I know it's kind of dangerous to remove my focus from operating a two-ton motor vehicle on the highway moving through space at 65 mph. There is something fun about capturing this moment in time, a moment on the way downtown or a moment on the way back. A beautiful painting in the sky that I am sharing with all the other people on the road while a beautiful song plays on my stereo.

Today at work someone left a deck of Angel Cards and three books on my desk for a co-worker to pick up. Since I'm the boss of the lobby, people leave things with me all day for other people to pick up. There is an intrinsic trust that comes with this job. In the past three years that I have worked here, I have gone from people not even saying hello to me to people leaving their kids with me for a half hour before they go to lunch. I have earned their trust. That is a huge gift and I do not take that for granted. These particular items were for a co-worker that I am good friends with and so I knew she would not be upset to find me doing a short reading for myself - but I did it really fast and put the cards back just in case.

One of the cards I pulled said this:
Surrender & Release - "When you hold on tightly to a part of your life that's not working, it has no room to heal. Whther you're unhappy with your love life, finances, career, home, or health, this card asks you to let go. If you hang on to these aspects of your life because of fears such as "What if I can't find someone or something better?" then the situation will only worsen. However, if you're willing to open your hands and allow the situation to be freed, one of two situations will occur: Either it will be washed away from you and replaced by a better situation, or the situation will heal in a miraculous way. By drawing this card, the angels ask you to try not to control the outcome of your troubling situation. Let go, and let G.d help you!

I listened to an old tape of a psychic reading this weekend. It was interesting to hear those words again after so much time had passed. Interesting to listen to what she had to say about my job and career, remembering what I thought she was talking about and realizing that what I thought and what happened were totally different (she was half right about half of the stuff ;). I used to get readings all the time, it was my way of preparing for the future. I thought that by paying this person, surrendering and releasing my money to someone who I understood to be more wise in the ways of communicating with spirit and reading the cards, that I could get some kind of handle on what was going to happen to me. Turns out I should have kept my money.

I remember how I used to think that going to listen to someone else read cards was a way to tap into my spirituality. What I have learned though, is that you cannot prepare for the future. You can only surrender and release the future to itself. I learned that I cannot trust anyone but myself with that information. No one, and I mean no one, knows what is going to happen to me except me. Sure people can guess, sure people can use the cards and talk to their guides, but it's still their perception of what my cards were.